Wow, I suck

Because times are tough, I, like most people, are constantly looking for work and are constantly on the look out for the perfect job. Well, rather, the perfect job that may lead to what they really want to do, and they happen to be qualified for. Finally, on one of the websites that I check daily for jobs, there was posting for job that I was qualified for, but also would allow me to do what I really wanted to do. I edited my resume and cover letter and emailed it feeling that I had a good chance of getting it. A few hours later, I got an email back. I had forgotten to change the name in salutation of the cover letter, which the producer kindly pointed out to me that there was no person by that name who worked for that company.

Intervention

My best friend's roommate recently gained 80 pounds. Everyone in our circle of friends agree that we need to have an intervention. We have all chipped in a bought him a Chia pet and as he unwraps the present, a note will be revealed as wrapping paper is removed that says: "This is an intervention: Stop eating. We may only care about you as someone who pays rent, but you don't see any of your family members here, do you?"